Today...yes. Today was rough. They are re-promoted to Nightmare Class. One of them stole my glasses today, though at least they were not on my face at the time. He is kind of a klepto, can't seem to help himself from stealing things like pencil sharpeners and random papers off my desk - and I really think he needs to be evaluated by the SpEd people as he also can't sit still or keep quiet or look directly at any one thing for longer than about 90 seconds. Today I also busted him spitting out his gum - which is forbidden in my class for exactly this reason - directly onto my floor. What has happened in these kids' lives for them to have so little respect for their environment? You just have to walk around the neighborhood to answer that one, I guess. There is this shopping cart full of bizarre garbage - abandoned by a homeless person, perhaps, though South Central seems not to have homeless people in the street-dwelling sense - lying turned on its side about a block from my school. It has been there for almost two weeks, trash spilling out across the sidewalk, and no one is making any moves to dispose of it. The worst is that when someone runs over a pigeon or something, it takes a couple of days before someone from the city comes down to clean it up, or someone from the neighborhood gets worried enough about disease to risk doing it themself.
Tangent. Sorry. Anyhow, tomorrow: big changes. I had this whole list of ordered consequences before the break, and then things got crazy, and I kind of forgot about them. They are not even up on my walls. As a result, the kids get warned 3,000 times per day with zero follow-through. Just warnings and talks outside, which really work on the days when my instigators are absent (witness: yesterday) and are just a lot of fun for them on the other days (witness: today.) So tomorrow, the consequences are up and we follow them, in order, no exceptions. There are only five levels before they're referred to the dean, and as I have been warning some of them (shame) in excess of five times a day, I fully expect my class size to be reduced by about 30% by the end of the period. They won't go to the dean - not unless anything else gets stolen, a-hem, regardless of whether or not it is swiftly located and returned by my other, wonderful students - as I don't want to abuse that avenue and destroy the relationship for when one takes a swing at the next and I really do need it. But I know which teachers they are scared of, and I have already warned them that they will be having guests.
Hilarious: one of my students wrote on the papered-over chalkboard that serves as my information wall. It says "PUSSY FUCK." Ummm...yes. We do need to work on those rules of grammar.
Not hilarious: this class knows my first name and they use the hell out of it. Like if I am talking to one student and take too long (over 30 seconds) transferring my attention to another, they will start hollering. "HEY! HEY JASMINE!"
The first one to do this tomorrow goes straight out of my classroom. We have had the "respect" talk too many times. They know what the rule is. But that is not the same as abiding by it.
*************************************************
I think I am so frustrated because today was such a complete waste of time. First and second were spent attempting, ineffectually, to corral the kids, third and fifth we had an assembly, and sixth was kind of a wash. We are learning note-taking and my kids are either not getting it or bored out of their minds with it. Really, it could be both. The assembly was a bizzare hodgepodge of ideas: free tutoring! global warming! dress code! job-appropriate attire! crystal meth makes your heart a-splode! Then some ex-gangbangers from San Diego talked to us about the conditional love of the streets and how prison is terrifying even if you think you are hard. Unsettling take-homes from the assembly:
- Ex-G asks students how many plan to play pro ball, and enough to stock two full expansion teams - per assembly - raise their hands. Instead of "bein' real," as purported, Ex-G chastizes the other students for laughing at them, telling us that we must believe in ourselves above all else because "anything is possible." He himself just finished filming a new movie with Xzibit and The Rock.
- Principal, himself a brownish black, consistently refers to students as "black and brown people."
- Principal, in denouncing the gang lifestyle, asks, "Ladies, who do you want to marry? The guy who's running around getting shot up and probably going to prison or dead, or the guy who's going to make some good money, and provide for you and your babies?"
Ex-G does say one interesting thing, when he talks about his family on drugs and in prison and how hard life can be for a kid from the inner city, and he asks, "How many of you try to look good so others can't see the pain you're feeling inside?" No joke, 3/4 of the hands in that auditorium shot up without even a moment's hesitation. It was the only moment that felt real, not like some corporate-sponsored cautionary tale, which of course it was. I looked at all their faces then, and for just a second, they looked very old. I think it was the self-awareness, more than the pain.
********************************************I ran into Ms. M today, the new teacher who took over my long-term sub position. She was stressed to the max and said she was starting to doubt that this school was the right place for her. I tried to encourage her, and I hope to God she doesn't quit. She is a good teacher and my kids - er, my ex-kids - have already been abandoned too many times. This stress and uncertainty, that feeling like all you do at work is punish yourself for eight straight hours, is one of those wounds that time will heal - for her, for me, for all new teachers. It's just a matter of hanging in there, and making sure you are learning while you do so. If you are paying attention, it is impossible not to learn every day.
*******************************************
In other news, I am kind of (read as: desperately) wishing that friends will come down and visit me this fine Veterans Day weekend, but they are busy and this will almost assuredly not happen. So instead I may go to Homecoming, ha ha. It depends on if any other Program members or first-year teacher friends want to go with me. It could be kind of fun, and we have all these hours of "extra" stuff we have to do each month, like our jobs aren't friggin time-consuming enough. Anyway, my seniors ask me every single day if I am going, and some of them are up for royalty (gag), and my mentor says he wants to see me there too. So we will see. There are worse ways to spend a Friday night.
********************************************
In still other news, I voted today. If you live in Cali, and you did not vote, and 74 passes, I am coming for you. I will have lots of time to hunt you down and break your kneecaps once the Governator personally comes down here, fires me, and turns over control of my school to The State.
8 comments:
The stealing thing really gets to me. It's depressing. Sometimes it pisses me off because come on... you should know by the age of fifteen not to steal the police radio.
Then again, I guess a police walkie talkie looks pretty badass when you're 15.
A lot of my food gets stolen, too, but I don't really mind that. It's more a matter of survival than blatant disrespect.
Still, one day someone stole these Japanese candy things that I wasn't planning on sharing, and they took the whole bag that they were in. This bag also had part of my Shoshoni children's book in it, so I was pretty annoyed.
And gum on the floor... boy do I know about that one. The worst is when I find chew on the floor. Talk about disgusting.
Oh, consequences. I still don't have my consequences up on the wall. I just couldn't do it. I don't believe in stuff like that, even though it might really help in classroom management. In fact, I know that it would help and would keep me consistent, but it is so unlike me and my own education that I just can't do it.
By now, though, my management problems are mostly ironed out because I have a pretty good rapport with my students. I just got the two hell-raisers transferred out of my class and into Auto Mechanics. Sorry, but I don't feel too bad about this, either.
The first name thing is interesting. Here, they all call me Amelie. They call almost all of their teachers by their first names. I actually prefer it that way. I do not like it when they call me Am-Dawg, however. Or Homegirl.
Hang in there. I remember - and none too fondly - the rollcoaster of the first month. One day, I was loving everything. The next day (or class, even), I wanted to blow my brains out.
That presentation has to be *the* biggest waste of time *ever*. I'm pretty sure I don't like your principal either. The whole ex-g thing is strange, because on one hand I can see the administrative viewpoint, and I'm sure they are getting some kind of kickback, or it is someone’s buddy who runs the program. However it also comes across as "we cannot communicate with you, you are not like us” I think things like these only distance students from the people who work at the school.
I wish I could come down for the long weekend, however homework says no =\
So yeah...
Once again, the times, they are a-changin. In my classroom.
On Thursday, my first/second period got into a feather-throwing fight with the insides of one student's down jacket. Then one of them was playing with a lighter - I didn't see it, but I smelled it. Oh, and did I mention that this was my Round 1 Observation? The words every Program teacher wants to hear from their PD: "Do you smell something burning?"
I could get the kid OT'd to another school, easy. I mean, playing with fire? Not for nothing is it a metaphor for "doing something insanely dangerous." But I can't, in good conscience, do that. I mean, he's a good kid. He has an A in my class. I think that, like the rest, he is just not used to there being boundaries.
So tomorrow, boundaries. Even more. New seating chart, new behavior log, new everything - except the stuff that is starting to work, like the countdown and the staying in at break, which they hate.
I hate having consequences up, too. It does run counter to everything I believe in, and with my other two classes, we never even refer to them, let alone use them. Most of my management does come from that relationship with my students. Here's the thing, though - you cannot build that relationship as easily if you do not speak the same language. I'm being literal here - most of what I say is gibberish to this class and I'm this inhuman teacher-unit, and that feeling is only amplified by the cycle of non-understanding, misbehavior, and gibberish verbal reprimand.
So yes, I hate it, and yes, I tried without it, but it's become apparent that I need an insanely clear set of escalating consequences for them if they continue to make stupid choices. I mean, the idiot turned in his homework with the corners burned off. I know I am not supposed to call my kids idiots, but really - he turned it in. Plausible deniability much?
Anyway, the whole thing is fucked up and I'm kind of depressed about it. The feather-throwers and homework-burners got phone calls home this weekend from my head of department, and I am not looking forward to the behavioral backlash tomorrow.
Jasmine! It is Jacqueline, and for clarity I opted to use my middle name on my new Blogger blog. I wanted to say hello, and tell you that I voted no on 74 and thought of you!
Awwe,
I'm sorry I couldn't come down this weekend. I had homework :(
Maybe during winter break?
BTW: I voted NO on 74 too.
Love,
MM.
Vote YES on sending the governor back from whence he came. Which, to the best of my understanding, is a test tube he shared with Danny DeVito.
So is anyone haunting Berkeley this Thanksgiving weekend, or are y'alls returning to the scenic Central Valley? Cause I am outta here like last year.
Aww does that mean we get Danny DeVito next? I have that film on laserdisc I think, how scary/rad is that?
hmm Scary<--*----->Rad there. =\
I am fleeing the central valley personally. But I shall be around in the Alameda area, I'm sure there's plenty of time to meetup if your around!
I am going home to the country of cows for a few days of Thanksgiving break, but I'm hoping to be in Berkeley for Sunday and possibly Saturday. I would love to see you if you are around! We should get tassels!
Post a Comment