my week in one-liners

My first and second period, on test day, after stonewalling my review attempts for two hours the previous day: But Miss! We need to study!

Me, after leaving my glasses in the library: I can't see. Why is that?

My kindest, gentlest student: Miss, what means the word "titties?" Because my friend, he say you have big titties.

Me, on my students: I swear to God, I'm going to throw them all out the window...which is probably OK, seeing as we're on the first floor.

My rocker kids, on being told that failure to turn in a writing project will result in their failing the class: What happened to cool Miss L?

My fifth and sixth period, when asked what the president's goals are: Send us back to Mexico!

A student with a 38% test average, just before putting put his name on an A student's essay and turning it in as his own: I do all the work and you give me F!

One of my shrewdest and most thoughtful seniors, being asked if facing racism makes you grow up faster: No, it just makes you want to punch everyone in the face.