still alive. Thanks for asking. It's been a rough couple, though.
I was doing OK and not feeling the burnout much, especially considering that I've been working straight through since August, and I was handling all the X-factors pretty well up to and including last week's theft of wallet/keys/checkbook, thankfully not by my students, but rather by identified students who we cannot OT or even suspend. Then I took Friday morning off to go get a new ID from the DMV - my last one having been obtained just this past October, mind - and I got the world's shittiest sub and my kids went ape. I got there and my first two periods had done no work, despite the assignment being on the board, and in third period the sub hadn't read the note on my desk asking me to pass out the work contained in a folder directly underneath said sub note, but instead had turned the note over and written "Ain't yall foolish" upwards of a dozen times all across the back, presumably while my students climbed up on top of the furniture to tape my desk numbers to the clock, the posters, other students' work, etc. It was more the kids than the sub that pushed me over; it was their taking advantage of my shitty situation to act like complete morons. That was six days ago and I've more or less been a ghost in the classroom ever since.
That isn't to say I've been sitting in the back letting things go to shit. It's been ups and downs, really, but I am now consciously counting down the days until the break. Yesterday was a good day; my next-door neighbor/ally and Rachel, my upstairs neighbor/road dog were both out, and the kids went berzerk, and for the first time I felt competent enough to run my class well, keep an eye on next door, create work for Rachel's class, and convince her sub not to leave after dealing with first and second period - my little angels from last semester. Sixth period I had a sublime moment, in which I was actually the teacher I wanted to be, which rarely if ever happens. My school holds soccer games during 5th and 6th, which means the players miss a lot of class and everyone else ditches to go out to the field. About a week ago some of my students, whom I have for both periods, ditched during passing period and went out to the game; their next day's lesson on vivid adjectives included rewriting sentences like "I was surprised at how empty my class was yesterday" and "I was upset when I saw how many students ditched." We learn a new non-High Point word every day; that day it was "livid." Anyway, yesterday we were wrapping up a writing project and my kids were being so great that I decided we'd go to the game for the end of the day, but before I could announce this, two of my boys ditched and went by themselves.
Here comes the sublime part. I took the class out to the bleachers, then searched until I found my two charming boys sitting with a bunch of their too-cool friends. I walked up, sat right down in the middle of them, and said, "Hey, guys. I'm going to give you today's new word: irony." My boys were petrified, but the too-cool friends were rapt. "What does that mean, miss?" "Well, irony is kind of when the opposite of what you'd expect happens, and it's usually kind of funny. The best way to learn it is by seeing it. For example: How ironic that these two young men decided to ditch my class today - on the very day I took the class out to see the game anyway." My boys are squirming at this point, and there is a long silence and a lot of averted eyes. I can't help it and I break out into a smile, and then their friends put it all together and they just about die laughing. "She's your teacher? She brought the class anyway?!?" And then we all have a huge, big laugh at their expense and I give everyone some pointers for identifying irony on the upcoming PSAT and CAHSEE. Then my boys swear that they will be my model students forever until they die, and we shake on it, and we watch the rest of the game together. The sun is shining, and there's a light breeze. It is glorious.
Today was more of a "down" day, or at least an all-around day. I was feeling fine until lunch because my senior class has been turned into a writing seminar and for the first time ever it's really functioning and the kids are working dilligently, which tells me they see some value in what we're doing. Then at the end of the day, Rachel sent down my old problem child because he couldn't hang in her class, and he got up to his old tricks, which revolve around figuring out very quickly what will bother or distract you and then doing it with increasing urgency until you physically want to punch him in the face. He feeds off this energy and only gets worse from that point, gleefully bounding around the room throwing things into other students' faces and more or less demanding that you punish him. We think he is seriously emotionally disturbed. Eventually we had to phone the deans to come get him, and not 5 minutes after they had left, two other boys in Rachel's class got into a full-on fistfight. She is like "What must the deans think of me?" and then we are both like "Why is happy hour only on Fridays?"
This would all be much easier to deal with were my courses not conspiring to bury me up to my neck in work and leave me for dead; I've got an assignment to do by day's end tomorrow that is simply not happening, and another by Saturday morning that's even further from coming into existence. I'm just too exhausted to teach classes and take classes at 100%; it's almost unfortunate that my classes are so good this semester. One is my second term of English methods, and the other is "Social Foundations," more or less my course on radical activism and why if you're not getting written up, you're doing something wrong. It's good to be reminded of this; it's easy to sign on as a social justice educator and then forget everything at the end of the day that isn't keeping your students a) in class and b) from punching each other in the face.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Monday, January 16, 2006
good/bad/ugly
Good:
Yes, we are getting married. I was going to find some better way to bring it up, but I wrote my last post at the mental equivalent of 4 am and basically just didn't notice what I was saying. Anyway, don't plan on going anywhere in spring of '07.
Additionally, we have added a member to our family. Major Major is nine months old, and he is a bundle of love and playfulness. He gets so much attention from us it is kind of obscene. He still does not think it is enough. Here he is on his chair, in a rare moment of observed sleep, atop his blanket, hand-crocheted by my mother.
In-between:
I am getting observed next week by my Program person, and I'm really kind of stressed about it. Observations are always okay, but the anticipation of being observed always reminds me of everything that is going wrong, or not going at all, in my classroom. My senior class, in particular, is kind of a mess and requires a serious paradigm shift. We are down to about 10 students and the vibe is just really weird. They're kind of hating me right now, and I'm not really happy with (most of) them either.
Good:
My morning class is effing phenomenal. I cannot physically give them enough work; no matter how much I give, how many new concepts I introduce, they finish with about 20 minutes to spare before the bell. On top of that, they do it well - my brilliant kids help out my slower kids and my "trouble" kids, they love reading aloud, and on their last test, we had a class average of 86 percent. No one failed. This is the first time ever I have had a class meet our class goal. I about keeled over. They, on the other hand, were nonplussed, and just wanted to get on with their work.
In-between:
My afternoon class has yet to hit its stride.
Bad bad all kinds of bad:
My small learning community is definitely getting disbanded. The name will stay on the books - huzzah - but the teachers, students, classes, focus, and mission statement will all change. Yahoo. The plan as it currently stands: ESL, currently housed entirely on B-track, is getting moved onto all 3 tracks. As of July, our waiver students (those who take all their classes in Spanish) will move to A-track. They will remain there for one year of "intensive, accelerated" ESL, after which they will be forced to move either to B or C track, where upper-level ESL classes will be housed.
Problems with this scenario: It forces our primary-language teachers to change tracks. If they do not want to do so (as many do not,) they will remain on B track teaching in English, while the empty positions will be filled by long-term subs who will likely not teach at all, let alone in Spanish. It forces ESL teachers to make a choice between low-level (like my amazing morning kids) or high-level (like last semester's amazing afternoon kids), which no one really wants to do. It forces students to constantly change tracks, leaving their familiar teachers and friends several times during their high school careers. It destroys our single greatest resource - the mutual support system we have created as teachers. Worst of all, it is completely unrealistic. The idea is that students will get through their primary-language phase in one calendar year, by attending school year-round with no vacations, and taking "accelarated" four-hour-long ESL classes during intersessions. But Admin and The Org are ignoring a few key pieces of information, for instance:
-The primary-language phase, as it stands now, takes two calendar years, assuming each class is taken only once.
-Students more often than not must repeat one or more of the low-level ESL classes during this time. It is not uncommon to take the same level three times - one and a half calendar years for just one of the four classes.
-We already offer intersession ESL classes. They are intended to boost students' skills for the next level, as no one in their right mind believes two months is long enough for a whole level.
-Students cannot, and should not, be expected to absorb four hours' worth of language per day.
-Students cannot, and should not, be required to attend school year-round simply because of their native language.
The absolute bitch of the situation is that I am not really telling you about it right now. In fact, I don't even know about it myself. You see, discussing it would constitute "spreading propaganda." Those with information about the current plan have been expressly instructed not to spread such propoganda - not to students, not to parents, and certainly not to the teachers who will be affected by the changes. So like I say. You didn't hear it from me.
Yes, we are getting married. I was going to find some better way to bring it up, but I wrote my last post at the mental equivalent of 4 am and basically just didn't notice what I was saying. Anyway, don't plan on going anywhere in spring of '07.
Additionally, we have added a member to our family. Major Major is nine months old, and he is a bundle of love and playfulness. He gets so much attention from us it is kind of obscene. He still does not think it is enough. Here he is on his chair, in a rare moment of observed sleep, atop his blanket, hand-crocheted by my mother.
In-between:
I am getting observed next week by my Program person, and I'm really kind of stressed about it. Observations are always okay, but the anticipation of being observed always reminds me of everything that is going wrong, or not going at all, in my classroom. My senior class, in particular, is kind of a mess and requires a serious paradigm shift. We are down to about 10 students and the vibe is just really weird. They're kind of hating me right now, and I'm not really happy with (most of) them either.
Good:
My morning class is effing phenomenal. I cannot physically give them enough work; no matter how much I give, how many new concepts I introduce, they finish with about 20 minutes to spare before the bell. On top of that, they do it well - my brilliant kids help out my slower kids and my "trouble" kids, they love reading aloud, and on their last test, we had a class average of 86 percent. No one failed. This is the first time ever I have had a class meet our class goal. I about keeled over. They, on the other hand, were nonplussed, and just wanted to get on with their work.
In-between:
My afternoon class has yet to hit its stride.
Bad bad all kinds of bad:
My small learning community is definitely getting disbanded. The name will stay on the books - huzzah - but the teachers, students, classes, focus, and mission statement will all change. Yahoo. The plan as it currently stands: ESL, currently housed entirely on B-track, is getting moved onto all 3 tracks. As of July, our waiver students (those who take all their classes in Spanish) will move to A-track. They will remain there for one year of "intensive, accelerated" ESL, after which they will be forced to move either to B or C track, where upper-level ESL classes will be housed.
Problems with this scenario: It forces our primary-language teachers to change tracks. If they do not want to do so (as many do not,) they will remain on B track teaching in English, while the empty positions will be filled by long-term subs who will likely not teach at all, let alone in Spanish. It forces ESL teachers to make a choice between low-level (like my amazing morning kids) or high-level (like last semester's amazing afternoon kids), which no one really wants to do. It forces students to constantly change tracks, leaving their familiar teachers and friends several times during their high school careers. It destroys our single greatest resource - the mutual support system we have created as teachers. Worst of all, it is completely unrealistic. The idea is that students will get through their primary-language phase in one calendar year, by attending school year-round with no vacations, and taking "accelarated" four-hour-long ESL classes during intersessions. But Admin and The Org are ignoring a few key pieces of information, for instance:
-The primary-language phase, as it stands now, takes two calendar years, assuming each class is taken only once.
-Students more often than not must repeat one or more of the low-level ESL classes during this time. It is not uncommon to take the same level three times - one and a half calendar years for just one of the four classes.
-We already offer intersession ESL classes. They are intended to boost students' skills for the next level, as no one in their right mind believes two months is long enough for a whole level.
-Students cannot, and should not, be expected to absorb four hours' worth of language per day.
-Students cannot, and should not, be required to attend school year-round simply because of their native language.
The absolute bitch of the situation is that I am not really telling you about it right now. In fact, I don't even know about it myself. You see, discussing it would constitute "spreading propaganda." Those with information about the current plan have been expressly instructed not to spread such propoganda - not to students, not to parents, and certainly not to the teachers who will be affected by the changes. So like I say. You didn't hear it from me.
Monday, January 09, 2006
new year, new surprises
For instance, thinking you're going to be continuing on to the next level of ESL with your passing students, only to find out, on the last day before your weeklong break, that you will instead be returning to re-teach the same levels, with entirely new students, except possibly for a few who failed your class not two weeks earlier.
As you can imagine, I was pretty pissed off about this, especially since Rachel (my co-worker/fellow Programmer/partner-in-crime) just happened to notice it on my change of room form (NB: I am supposed to change rooms every four months, and have been in this one for just two), as I was never officially notified. Had she not chanced to double-check, I would have shown up to work on the 2nd expecting my familiar students and ESL 2B and 4. I was so pissed off, I just sat on my desk and knit all day instead of updating the ESL portfolios.
In retrospect I was probably already predisposed to avoid working, as I do not generally bring my knitting to work.
Anyway, last semester, as you may recall, I had the Devil Class sprung from hell, who lit things on fire and had farting contests and refused to act like human beings, ever, and also the Angel Class, who asked why we could not read more books or work faster, and when finished, read to each other, in English and Spanish, from Cien Sonetos de Amor. This semester I have two classes of fully functional, sometimes lazy, always hilarious human beings. It is a revelation.
Rachel inherited The Spawn, but mixed with her mellow kids and faced with her newness and warm, nurturing teaching style, they are actually doing better. We have pretty much established that she is a Mothering Teacher, whereas I am a Hip Teacher, and different kids respond to us differently. Rockers and tough guys, especially, seem to like me, as well as girls in general, though not the ones with attitude problems; younger kids like Rachel a lot, especially the "young for their age" ones, and also girls in general. I think it is pretty funny that I grew up to be a Hip Teacher, as they're more or less the ones that got me through school relatively undamaged.
In case you were wondering, I did not give up my room.
******************************************
This semester, I must say, is off to the right kind of start. I've already given one assessment per ESL class, in addition to one spoken assessment apiece - equivalent to 50% of the speaking assessments I managed all last semester. I realized that my "pacing problems" were, by and large, behavioral problems which dragged us ever-further behind schedule. I am running a much tighter ship this time around, in terms of curriculum, preparation, grading, attendance, homework (I am actually giving it!) and behavior, from talking out of turn to gum-chewing, and it had just better not get any more serious than that. I am smiling a lot more too, and praising more. This whole thing is very disorienting for my seniors (11, down from a class of 13), for whom it must seem like I've been body-snatched or something. They got shamed something fierce today, for begging and begging and begging for me to extend the deadline on a project they've had three solid weeks for, two even without counting vacation, and then using the half-hour of classtime I gave them to work to drink soda and chew gum and talk shit about other people right in front of me, none of which is even remotely allowed in my classroom. It was actually kind of liberating to get pissed off at them, as I've been letting a lot of things slide that I shouldn't. We are moving to a seating chart, and they will be pissed.
******************************************
Exchanges:
Student: Miss, was that your fiance [helping you carry in boxes] this morning?
Ms. L: It certainly was.
Student: Oh. He looked like a nerd.
Ms. L: (amused) A nerd?
Student: Oh, I mean a schoolboy.
Student: Miss, how you gonna make us work on the first day back?
Ms. L: Like this. Now get to work.
Student: Oh, you got jokes this year.
******************************************
You might be a teacher if...
As you can imagine, I was pretty pissed off about this, especially since Rachel (my co-worker/fellow Programmer/partner-in-crime) just happened to notice it on my change of room form (NB: I am supposed to change rooms every four months, and have been in this one for just two), as I was never officially notified. Had she not chanced to double-check, I would have shown up to work on the 2nd expecting my familiar students and ESL 2B and 4. I was so pissed off, I just sat on my desk and knit all day instead of updating the ESL portfolios.
In retrospect I was probably already predisposed to avoid working, as I do not generally bring my knitting to work.
Anyway, last semester, as you may recall, I had the Devil Class sprung from hell, who lit things on fire and had farting contests and refused to act like human beings, ever, and also the Angel Class, who asked why we could not read more books or work faster, and when finished, read to each other, in English and Spanish, from Cien Sonetos de Amor. This semester I have two classes of fully functional, sometimes lazy, always hilarious human beings. It is a revelation.
Rachel inherited The Spawn, but mixed with her mellow kids and faced with her newness and warm, nurturing teaching style, they are actually doing better. We have pretty much established that she is a Mothering Teacher, whereas I am a Hip Teacher, and different kids respond to us differently. Rockers and tough guys, especially, seem to like me, as well as girls in general, though not the ones with attitude problems; younger kids like Rachel a lot, especially the "young for their age" ones, and also girls in general. I think it is pretty funny that I grew up to be a Hip Teacher, as they're more or less the ones that got me through school relatively undamaged.
In case you were wondering, I did not give up my room.
******************************************
This semester, I must say, is off to the right kind of start. I've already given one assessment per ESL class, in addition to one spoken assessment apiece - equivalent to 50% of the speaking assessments I managed all last semester. I realized that my "pacing problems" were, by and large, behavioral problems which dragged us ever-further behind schedule. I am running a much tighter ship this time around, in terms of curriculum, preparation, grading, attendance, homework (I am actually giving it!) and behavior, from talking out of turn to gum-chewing, and it had just better not get any more serious than that. I am smiling a lot more too, and praising more. This whole thing is very disorienting for my seniors (11, down from a class of 13), for whom it must seem like I've been body-snatched or something. They got shamed something fierce today, for begging and begging and begging for me to extend the deadline on a project they've had three solid weeks for, two even without counting vacation, and then using the half-hour of classtime I gave them to work to drink soda and chew gum and talk shit about other people right in front of me, none of which is even remotely allowed in my classroom. It was actually kind of liberating to get pissed off at them, as I've been letting a lot of things slide that I shouldn't. We are moving to a seating chart, and they will be pissed.
******************************************
Exchanges:
Student: Miss, was that your fiance [helping you carry in boxes] this morning?
Ms. L: It certainly was.
Student: Oh. He looked like a nerd.
Ms. L: (amused) A nerd?
Student: Oh, I mean a schoolboy.
Student: Miss, how you gonna make us work on the first day back?
Ms. L: Like this. Now get to work.
Student: Oh, you got jokes this year.
******************************************
You might be a teacher if...
- You asked for a printer for Christmas (both me and Rachel)
- Upon receiving a $200 gift card to Staples in order to buy said printer, you immediately spent the entire amount on supplies (Rachel)
- Upon receiving your paycheck, you headed immediately for Staples (me)
- Upon purchase of printer, you made excited "birth announcement"-style phone calls to discuss your new printing situation (both me and Rachel)
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