i prefer not to

*Grades are due tomorrow. They're in the system but it's not showing that they've gone through. 85% of my freshman class is failing - not because they can't do the work, but because they don't have notebooks, so the work disappears, and when grading day comes they have little to nothing to show for themselves. They're really pissed off, but in no way is this notebook thing news to them - I refuse to touch loose paper this year unless it's a final draft of an essay or a project. It's made my life immeasurably better and their grades so, so pathetic. On the plus side my entire morning class is passing - everyone between a 70 and a 91 percent average. This is basically unheard-of for me and I'm really thrilled.

*A lot of money in The District seems to come from court settlements. For example, Rodriguez money, allocated for new teachers, ensured that we got technology like laptops. Williams money is supposed to ensure that students have textbooks that they can bring home if they want, and never have to share, in addition to other educational sundries. Williams money, however, is not spent of books, but instead on a team of what I like to call "scouts" or "spies" who come into our classrooms unannounced, write up how we're effing up on a secret clipboard, and then turn this in to administration. Last time Williams popped in I got two visits: one to tell me that I was out of compliance if I simply had 25 texts for 25 kids, as they had not signed the little white checkout cards that make things legit (nevermind that I don't use the textbook. Ever.) The second one was a silent visit. Today we got the spreadsheet of violatons and my room is listed as one that has "air fresheners and/or aerosols" which could endanger the students. Gee, you mean like the creeping mold the smell is supposed to mask? My homie next door is on the list for having boxes stacked too high. No joke. Thing is, I keep mine stacked that high, and no write-up. They're empty boxes, lest you worry they could fall and injure our flocks. We keep them so that we can pack up and move our books - the ones we buy out of our own money, mind - every two to four months, when we either switch rooms or go off-track.

God forbid that Williams money go toward permanent, non-mildewed rooms for each teacher.

*Bonus item: my favorite Williams citation was for a "daisy chain of surge protectors." Who comes up with this shit?

*For a while I thought about staying at my job but quitting The Program, which is getting more intensely fascist and data-driven with every passing second. Then I decided it would be better, or at least classier, to be the modern-day Bartleby of South Central. I won't go out in a blaze of glory like I used to; I will simply "prefer not" to track and return any standards-based data, in the same way that I "prefer not" to teach my scripted program unsupplemented and verbatim. If you prefer, I am doing things the Office Space way. In particular I'm thinking of "I'm just not gonna go anymore."

excerpts from my personal hell

Time for a new character in the ongoing saga: Idiot Assistant Principal, who is Idiot Counselor's boss and my observer. Ms. IAP came in today to observe me as part of the STULL process, a process which reflects both on me as a teacher and my school overall.

It was a rough period to begin with. I'd had a rough morning, and third, my freshmen, were looking to make things tough for me. As I may have mentioned before, we're in the middle of a chapter of Freakonomics, the one about why crack dealers still live with their moms, and it's long, and they don't really feel like reading, and they are letting me feel that in a large way. We cannot, simply cannot, listen as our classmates read out loud, so I'm like, "Okay guys, this isn't working, you're in groups now." We read the focus questions on the board, and they let me know that they know what they're looking for, and we start reading. Or at least, 60% of the class starts reading. It is at this point that Ms. IAP walks in. I spend the rest of the period monitoring groups, trying to keep the noise level down so people can read, and setting up the new groups since these kids clearly can't choose their own seats effectively. I ask enough questions to make sure that my kids mostly know what they've read today, and that's that. Pretty typical rough day in a 9th-grade classroom.

This is how the meeting goes after class.

Idiot Assistant Principal: First let me say that I just love your room.
Ms. L: (mentally) Shit.
Idiot AP: (deep breath) You know, as long as I taught, I found that reading in groups never worked. You really should have them read as a whole class.
Ms. L: Actually, that wasn't working. That's why we moved to groups.
Idiot AP: I see. Well, sometimes we try experiments, and they don't work. That's OK.
Ms. L: It wasn't an experiment. It was a class. It was a rough day, but we'll rework it and we'll come back again tomorrow.
Idiot AP: Mmmm hmmm. Well. I couldn't really tell what was going on at all.
Ms. L: (wondering why she neither asked the students nor looked at the board but deciding against asking.) You know, I'd also like to note that this class doubled in size last week.
Idiot AP: In week four? Were they all new students?
Ms. L: No....some classes were collapsed. The students came here. I went from thirteen to twenty-six on one day. So part of the problem is that half of these students know each other and the norms and half of them are just trying to figure things out. Essentially it's week one again.
Idiot AP: Oh. the collapsed classes, to create the Strategic Literacy.
Ms. L: (mentally) Which my department had to lobby for for months...
Idiot AP: That was me. I didn't get the information in a timely fashion. I knew it would affect classes in some way...
Ms. L: (mentally) So this is where you acknowledge that you essentially brought this behavior upon me.

(long pause)

Idiot AP: Have you ever heard the expression, "Don't smile before December?"
Ms. L: Yes. And I don't believe in it. If I am not who I am, my students can see that, and they do not respect that, and I do not blame them. I'm not there yet, but I am trying to find a way to manage my classroom without becoming frightening and authoritarian.

(long, long pause)

Ms. IAP: Frightening and authoritarian... (taking notes on clipboard) ...That's funny.


Yeah. Funny funny. Funny notes going in my file.